Christ with Me: Vol. 2
Today was a rough day.
But it’s the classic First-World-Country kind of rough.
Nothing went right today. I snagged my new sweater on a dress, I’m behind in school and I’m missing this Friday, I’m nervous about my meet this weekend, I don’t have enough money, people irritate me, I feel like if I don’t say yes to everything I’ll be a disappointment, certain relationships in my life are going through some really hard times (relationships that I really don’t want to lose), my new retainer makes me have a lisp (“thally thells thea thells by the thea thore” is something I have said multiple times this week), and my to-do list seems like a mile long. I don’t have anxiety, but the anxious feeling inside of me has grown to a size that I feel like I can’t control. It’s like a weight that sits somewhere inside of my rib cage causing me physical pain.
If I would compare life to anything, I would compare it to an ocean. There are days that have calm, smooth waves, and days where the waves are so massive you feel like you are going to drown in them. (This analogy is dripping in cheesy goo, I know…)
These past few days, I have felt the waves of life slamming into me with their full force. My head has barely stayed above said waves. But if you saw me, could you tell? Most likely not. I have this talent, you see… I can hide when I am hurting pretty well. I can blame it on practice or homework or “I’m just tired” and often times people will believe me. But, if I’m honest, it’s all a lie. It is a big, fat, ugly one that I say, because I would rather be hurting then to have someone go out of their way to help me. I’m too prideful to admit that no, I’m not okay, and I put my feelings aside until I get to here-a mess of of a human inside who snaps at people and has panic attacks where I laugh until I cry in class.
I got so sick of listening to myself and my own patheticness (and lisp). I was so stressed out and was crumbling inwardly from all of the stupid reasons I listed above and the more serious reasons that aren’t. I remembered what my Mom has always said to me: “Remember how lucky you are, and that there is always someone out there who has it much, much worse.” So, I decided to take action instead.
Okay, let me rephrase that… We are currently having a canned food drive at school, and my Worldviews teacher told us if we brought in 30 lbs. of food as a class he would cancel a book quiz (hallelujah!), and of course I wouldn’t pass that up, so I went to our local Grocery Depot- or as my family calls it, The Cheap Store. So, that’s the real reason I took action, for me me me. But, God being the awesome God that he is, changed my heart as I loaded up cans of mixed veggies and potatoes, mandarin oranges, and sweet peas into my cart. I left the store with my cans of food for someone in need feeling like I could fly! My weight was lifted off of me, and it felt so, so good. Of course, it happened when I wasn’t being selfish.
On the way home, as I sat without music in my car and just thinking, I realized two things. First, I am so, so blessed. I have a roof over my head, a family who is so supportive, a boyfriend who loves me and cares about me, hot meals cooked by my mom every night, friends who are always there for me, and countless other blessings. I am so beyond blessed, and there are so many others out there who need so much more than I do, who have way more joy in the Lord than I was currently having. My selfish desires and worldly thought were getting in the way.
And second, I am a can of sweet peas. I consider myself in my own worth as about as much as this can of sweet peas: dented in places, not needed by most people, not exciting, bland, and only worth about 39 cents. But God revealed to me the bigger picture here: He was going to use these peas as a blessing to people. These would give somebody a meal they needed, and hope to carry on. God showed me in this little way that although I am hurting and dented and a mere can of sweet peas, I was going to go out in this world and fulfill my purpose, even if it is just the purpose of giving one human being hope to move on.
I love how God uses these kinds of things to show me my worth in Him- that I was bought with much more than 39 cents, I was bought with the blood of Jesus Christ, who knew my sins and willingly have up His life so that this can of sweet peas would have pure freedom.
Giving is a much greater blessing than getting. I challenge you during this holiday season to go out and give to those in need- whether it’s your time, money, a gift for children without parents, or a can of mixed veggies and potatoes.
I bet you thought I was going to say sweet peas there, didn’t ya? 😉